Marriage in Islam
Written by: Fatima Asmal
'We have created all things in pairs, that perhaps you may
remember.’ (Surah Adh-Dhariyat: 49)
The joining of two Muslims in marriage is indeed a
cause for celebration. Through marriage, a couple can experience joy,
companionship, protection, intimacy, trust and emotional and practical support.
Marriage can be a source of strength, a refuge from hardships and the foundation
of a loving family, bi’idhnillah.
It is from His wisdom and mercy that He has blessed married couples with the
potential for a wonderful mutual closeness and security: ‘They are a garment for
you and you are a garment for them.’ (Surah Baqarah: 187)
Allah (swt) has commanded the believers to marry and to assist those under their
charge to get married: ‘Marry the unmarried among you and the righteous of your
male and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His
favours. Allah is Bountiful and Knowing.’ (Surah An Nur: 32)
The Divine Command to marry was echoed by the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله
عليه وسلم) who described
marriage as being a sunnah of his: ‘Marriage is a sunnah (way) of mine, and
whoever does not follow my Sunnah is not of my followers.
Get married because I will display your outnumbering the other nations on the
Day of Resurrection. Whoever has wealth should get married, and whoever does not
should fast, because fasting is a restraint (of desire) for him.’ (Ibn Majah)
Marriage has numerous benefits for the believer. When two Allah-fearing people
marry each other, they can only assist each other in obeying Allah, and
attaining their ultimate goal of Jannah. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, ‘When
Allah grants one a righteous wife, He has helped him (by that) to preserve half
of his religion. Let him fear and revere Allah in regard to the other half.’
(Tabarani)
In addition to spiritual and emotional support, marriage also provides a
pleasurable means of earning good deeds! When some of the companions of
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) complained to
him that the wealthy people had taken away all of the rewards, because they were
in a position to pray and fast and give charities from their extra monies, he (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: ‘Every
tasbih (saying SubhanAllah) is a charity, every takbir (saying Allahu Akbar) is
a charity, every tahlil (saying Laa illaaha illallah) is a charity, every tahmid
(saying Alhamdulillah) is a charity, commanding good is a charity, forbidding
the evil is a charity and having intercourse (with your wife) is charity.’
The companions responded, ‘Oh Allah’s Messenger! Would one of us fulIll his
desire and yet get a reward for that?’ He responded, ‘Assume that he directed it
toward a prohibition, would that not result in a burden for him?’ They replied,
‘Yes.’ He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,
‘Therefore if he directs it toward that which is permissible (his wife), he gets
a reward for it.’ (Muslim)
However it is important to realize that if we want to truly enjoy these
beautiful benefits and blessings marriage brings into our lives, then it is
essential that we conduct ourselves in the manner outlined by Allah (swt) and
His Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم) in fulfilling
our responsibilities towards each other. Both the husband and the wife have
rights and duties, and a marriage in which these are preserved and upheld will,
insha Allah, be a successful one.
A righteous husband and wife will do whatever they can to support each other in
the path of Allah. Allah says in the Qur’an: ‘Help one another in righteousness
and taqwa, and do not help one another in sinning and transgression.
And fear and revere Allah; verily Allah is severe in punishment.’ (Surah
Al-Ma’idah: 2)
As the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, ‘The
best among the believers are those with the best manners,’ (Ibn Maajah, Haakim
and others) it is essential that good manners should be implemented in
husband-wife relationships. Included in the category of good manners are the
qualities of truthfulness, humility, kindness and forgiveness.
In addition to these shared rights and obligation, Allah has afforded husbands
and wives specific rights to which each of them are entitled. The Messenger of
Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, ‘Lo! You
have rights on your women, and your women have rights on you.’ (Tirmidhi and
others)
The Rights of the Wife
Protection and Support
‘Men are in charge of women (by right of ) what
(qualities) Allah has given one over the other and what they spend (in support)
from their wealth.’ (Surah An-Nisaa: 34)
This protection is general and covers physical, emotional as well as other forms
of well-being. One of the husband’s major responsibilities towards his wife is
providing Inancial support, food, clothing, shelter and other basic needs for
her. Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said, ‘They (your women) have a right on you – that you provide them with food
and clothing in a fitting manner.’ (Muslim and Abu Dawud)
Not only does this provision ensure the love and respect of his wife but it also
increases the scale of the man’s good deeds, bringing him closer to Allah (swt)
in the process.
Kind Treatment and Compassion
‘Live with them (your wives) in kindness, even if you
dislike them, perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has placed much
good.’ (Surah An Nisaa: 19)
Kindness and respect is an obligation placed on the husband through a divine
command. In other words, it is not something to be exercised whenever he feels
like it or is in a generous mood. Again, as an act of ‘ibaadah, this is
something a Muslim man should be careful to maintain as it is easy to allow
negative emotions to affect one’s behaviour in such a close relationship.
Company and Intimacy
The wife is entitled to physical and emotional
gratiIcation from her husband. Spending time together, enjoying each other’s
company and being affectionate and loving are some of the most pleasurable
aspects of marriage – and the wife is entitled to her share of this.
Assistance
Whilst it is more the wife’s than the husband’s
responsibility to perform the various chores within the home, this does not mean
that he should be unwilling to assist her therein. When Aa’ishah was asked what
the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
did at home, she said, ‘He used to be at the service of his family, and when it
was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.’ (Bukhari)
She also said, ‘He acted like other men, he would mend his clothes, milk his
goat and serve himself.’ (Ahmed and others)
The Rights of the
Husband
Kindness
It is the husband’s right upon the
wife that she treats him with honour
and kindness. Kindness to one’s husband includes showing
him gratitude as well as being loving, comforting and tolerant towards him. The
Rasool of Allah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said, ‘Should I not tell you of your men who will be of the people of Jannah?
The prophets will be in Jannah, the siddiqs will be in Jannah, the martyrs will
be in jannah, a baby (dying before puberty) will be in Jannah, and a man who
visits his brother in a distant locality, visiting him only for the sake of
Allah. And as for your women who will be of the people of Jannah: she is the
loving, bearer of many children, the one who is caring toward her husband – the
one, who, when he gets angry, puts her hand in his and says ‘I will not taste
any sleep until you are happy.’’ (Tammam Ar-Razi)
Obedience
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said, ‘When a woman prays her five (prayers), fasts her month (Ramadan),
preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of
Judgment), ‘Enter Jannah from any of its (eight) gates.’ (ibn Hibban).
He (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
also said that the prayer of a woman who disobeys her husband does not rise
above her head until she returns (to obedience). (Haakim and Tabarani)
Obedience in this context is also an act of ‘ibaadah and entails complying with
his wishes as long as it is within her capacity, and does not involve disobeying
Allah.
Pleasing the Husband
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said, ‘The best of women is that who pleases him (i.e. her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money
to what he dislikes.’ (Ahmed and others) A wife should please her husband,
making sure that she is not displeasing Allah in the process. This can include
grooming herself in accordance with his preferences, admitting guests into their
home only with his permission and being careful not to ask for a divorce without
good reason.
Fulfflling his physical desire
This is an important aspect of an Islamic marriage as
preserving chastity is one of its main objectives. Consequently, Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم)
said, ‘When a man invites his wife for his (sexual) need, she should go to him,
even if she was working at the outdoor oven.’ (Ahmed, An-Nasa’i and others)
Refusing to fulIll the husband’s desire is a major sin and is a cause for
disharmony and frustration in many marriages. In essence, sexual relations are
not just an expression of love but an act of ‘ibaadah, one that both spouses
should strive to perform to the best of their ability with ihsan.
Together, the above rights and responsibilities form the basis of an Islamic
marriage. When they are fulIlled by both parties acting sincerely for the
Pleasure of Allah, they will, insha Allah, lead to a solid, successful Islamic
marriage.
Adapted from the Muslim Family Series, by Muhammad Al-Jibaly (Al- Kitaab and
As-Sunnah Publishing, Texas: 2000)
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