MeetMuslimSingles.com :: Forum

many salams bros and sisters,
I'm new here but i'm inspired by the discussion, i'd like to add a contribution.

I believe the answer to the finding the right partner is within the following:

1. Having a direct approach to the potential person: no external influence, a personal approach, do not evaluate person X based on person Y, and do not do it with the eutopian idea of a person Z. That's simply futile to a relationship.
2. Acknowledging the imperfections of ourselves, before we find imperfections in others
3. You must expect to give, as much as, you're going to take. Its all about compromise, the middle ground, the happy middle; there are many middle grounds but not all are happy, look for the sincerely happy one.
4. Do not judge, Allah is the only judge, people change, and we can never know the full truth, we have to trust, yes we can be lied to; but subhana Allah we can not know/calculate everything
5. Ask all the questions, but refrain from unfair grounds (the ones that mean nothing, but only hurt the heart, because you've an 'emotional' attachment to their answers. You know which ones they are)
6. Have standards, achievable ones, ranked from most important to least important. Do not get stuck in mapping people in an excel sheet, people and their attributes are much more than bullet-points.
7. Understand: people are different, its the way Allah made us, accept it, live it.
8. Remove your baggage, remove the veils of truth from your eyes, remove racism (why did Allah create so many different people and tribes? we know the answer, looking it up).
9. Just because someone is a muslim; it does not mean they are a representative of an imaginary partner in your mind. Look carefully, but do not get caught in looking, evaluate, rationalize, invest yourself in the matter, otherwise back to square 1.
10. Do not settle, but remember life on earth is temporary, and so is everything in it - do not waste your chances, but do not choose carelessly. If you seek, and pray for help, you'll get it. It is as simple as that. Allah does not change what's upon us; until we change what's inside us. If you know that you need to be a better muslim, man, woman or anything, then do not wait, do it. Pray for help and guidance in the process. Allah will answer you.

I'm one of you here, i wish us all khair, and i hope my contribution will enlighten someone, i know your contributions have enlightened me, thank you!

Salam
edited by elmoro on 4/2/2009

I just wanna say you made the point. Women should start making the first step. Would be way better.

Assalam.

Well In my honest opinion its called holding out for just the right one. Lets just say that Im willing to take an iron ring as Mahr. And as long as his head does not spin all the way around, loves his family, and does not foam at the mouth. Can read and write and has no criminal record unless it was for handcuffing himself to a tree to fight clearcut logging I tend to be pretty flexible all I ask that he not live in Mommy's basement unless he is taking care of sick parents or is a student in University or college.

And for people who slam Black Muslims you might want to remember that Allah's Apostle's wives looked like the United Nations. Unless he is a Nation of Islam UFO cult worshipping freak waiting for Hitler to rise from the grave a Black Muslim or Asian Muslim should be judged by their deen and not the color of their skin. There is no race or color in Islam maybe some of the racist bigots might want to actually read the Hadiths stating that.

And when I heard fly Muslim I just rolled on the floor laughing. A husband or a wife is a person not a bank account or ATM machine on 2 legs or a fashion accessory. I go by deen and brains and humanity.

I think many factors come in to play when looking for a mate. Just like brothers, sisters have some standards that they need to have met before marriage. While there are many brothers looking for the right mate, additional sisters are looking also, it is odd to me however, that I see brothers complain about the lack of finding a wife. When so many brothers are willing to over look the sisters that need husbands in their own communities. Yet, I find that when looking for a mate many people are not who they claim to be, which you would think would not be a issue as Muslims. I think it is best that brothers and sisters in Islam define clearly what they are looking for in a mate and also check their intentions for marriage. If everyone is running around looking for the perfect mate then they may be disappointed however.

I am also new to this site, but i want to add also somthing in the que. I know that This topic is difficult for many,yes it is scometimes very difficult to find suitable match. why? there are many reasons.
first of all, the major reason is ideal. Many of us have an ideal, we try a lot to find the same as we have in our mind. due to this, the age of the men,women increased. this is also a major cause.

I think that finding a spouse is a difficult challenge. I personally know that I don't want to make a mistake and marry the wrong person. I know that there are going to be difficulties, disagreements and fights even in a marriage. I think when we talk about marrying someone from our local Ummah.. it can be difficult. I know I don't like knowing that everyone at my masjid knows that I am on the market for a husband- I feel like a bug under a microscope. I'd prefer to keep things more private. I also struggle in being an American revert with individuals being so stuck on marrying a person of specific culture or region. I also get weirded out when I read about men looking for a "white" american muslim.. yikes! So I think there are a bunch of issues.. but ultimately we should just follow the prophets example marry people for their deen first everything else is second.