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3/3/2008 12:54:39 PM
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simplicity
Posts 1
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soo many unmarried sisters and brothers and yet its so difficult to find someone. is it to do with unrealistic expections? racism? tribalism, culturalism? looking for that perfect someone who may never arrive?etc. Wallahi, this is getting really silly and problematic.
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3/3/2008 2:56:38 PM
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sidique
Posts 1
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I think many factors come in to play when looking for a mate. Just like brothers, sisters have some standards that they need to have met before marriage. While there are many brothers looking for the right mate, additional sisters are looking also, it is odd to me however, that I see brothers complain about the lack of finding a wife. When so many brothers are willing to over look the sisters that need husbands in their own communities. Yet, I find that when looking for a mate many people are not who they claim to be, which you would think would not be a issue as Muslims. I think it is best that brothers and sisters in Islam define clearly what they are looking for in a mate and also check their intentions for marriage. If everyone is running around looking for the perfect mate then they may be disappointed however.
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3/4/2008 10:32:46 AM
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inda
Posts 1
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 .... may be start with :Stop thinking " what she/he can give for us" BUT try to think " what we can give for him/her".
No body perfect, life for ibadah for Allah, Love come from Allah,...so...love him/her becouse we love Allah...
No one perfect but, how about two become one?....maybe would be perfect.... Insya Allah. Amiin
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3/4/2008 5:42:56 PM
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obaidmukaddam
Posts 1
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salaam alekum to all brothers and sisters.......
well i just want to say that in Pakistan now its trend for finding husband is that every one first directly asks about wealth of the groom. how much earning he has? is the home is of his own or not? what rubbish ............ in old days when our parents were married..... at that time people say that if their daughter is happy with the groom and his family members then ok Bismillah ......... go ahead and take our daughter as ur bride....
am i ryt?
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3/14/2008 7:54:58 PM
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Umzaida
Posts 3
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sidique wrote:
I think many factors come in to play when looking for a mate. Just like brothers, sisters have some standards that they need to have met before marriage. While there are many brothers looking for the right mate, additional sisters are looking also, it is odd to me however, that I see brothers complain about the lack of finding a wife. When so many brothers are willing to over look the sisters that need husbands in their own communities. Yet, I find that when looking for a mate many people are not who they claim to be, which you would think would not be a issue as Muslims. I think it is best that brothers and sisters in Islam define clearly what they are looking for in a mate and also check their intentions for marriage. If everyone is running around looking for the perfect mate then they may be disappointed however.
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3/14/2008 7:59:58 PM
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Umzaida
Posts 3
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sidique wrote:
I think many factors come in to play when looking for a mate. Just like brothers, sisters have some standards that they need to have met before marriage. While there are many brothers looking for the right mate, additional sisters are looking also, it is odd to me however, that I see brothers complain about the lack of finding a wife. When so many brothers are willing to over look the sisters that need husbands in their own communities. Yet, I find that when looking for a mate many people are not who they claim to be, which you would think would not be a issue as Muslims. I think it is best that brothers and sisters in Islam define clearly what they are looking for in a mate and also check their intentions for marriage. If everyone is running around looking for the perfect mate then they may be disappointed however.
Salam walaikum,
I've come across similar problems...many are seeking and find much disappointment and I say this as the individual that is far from perfect. many want breathtaking beauty in a woman or the GQ look in a man.
Hmmm what are the reasons for marriage?
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3/16/2008 1:02:43 AM
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bellabookworm
Posts 1
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I think that finding a spouse is a difficult challenge. I personally know that I don't want to make a mistake and marry the wrong person. I know that there are going to be difficulties, disagreements and fights even in a marriage. I think when we talk about marrying someone from our local Ummah.. it can be difficult. I know I don't like knowing that everyone at my masjid knows that I am on the market for a husband- I feel like a bug under a microscope. I'd prefer to keep things more private. I also struggle in being an American revert with individuals being so stuck on marrying a person of specific culture or region. I also get weirded out when I read about men looking for a "white" american muslim.. yikes! So I think there are a bunch of issues.. but ultimately we should just follow the prophets example marry people for their deen first everything else is second.
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3/19/2008 6:39:09 PM
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hoss
Posts 1
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Bismillah El-Rahman El-Rahim
assalamu alikum Brothers & Sisters
well it could be hard cuz its so so important issue and we dont want to make mistake about in choosing, but if we follow what the prophet Muhammed saas said the woman be marriade for 4things one of them is ( lea deenha, fathfr bzat al deen taribat idaak ) for her deen so choose the religious wife u'll be happy. or as he said pbuh.
and the most important rule in meeting thru internet in my opinion is not hiding it from the family cuz alot of ppl hide it from the parents in the beginning and this is oppose what Allahu said in the quran.
[ Bismillah El-Rahman El-Rahim, (235. And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal or conceal it in yourself, Allah knows that you will remember them, but do not make a promise (of contract) with them in secret except that you speak an honorable saying. And do not be determined on the marriage bond until the term prescribed is fulfilled. And know that Allah knows what is in your minds, so fear Him. And know that Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Forbearing.) ] 235 - Al-Bakarah.
so if we follow the rules of the Quran and sunnah insha'allah we'll find the right person for us, and I hope I can find the right person for me soon insha'allah. ameen ameen ameen
assalamu alikum w rahmatu'allah w barakatu
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3/25/2008 1:46:17 PM
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abdulmatiyn
Posts 1
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simplicity wrote:
soo many unmarried sisters and brothers and yet its so difficult to find someone. is it to do with unrealistic expections? racism? tribalism, culturalism? looking for that perfect someone who may never arrive?etc. Wallahi, this is getting really silly and problematic.
Presently I am wali to two sisters and one has been married over ten times and she continues to pick brothers who she deems as being "fly", but she refuses to look at a brother who has a great deal of ilm under his belt if he is not "fly" and following the fashions of the kufr.
If she is told not to marry a brother she will find a wali who will allow her to marry him. This sister covers her entire body and you would swear she only walks with brothers (marry's) who are deeply into practicing islam in such a way that they may be deemed a fanatic, but she does not. The other sister has only been married once but she also wants someone fly.
This is the tale of many sisters and why it is hard to find a sister to marry. One sister I knew left the diyn because she couldnt find a fly husband; another just married a kufr because she said their were no fly muslims. ma sha allah.
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4/12/2008 7:59:07 AM
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sethunya
Posts 8
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Everyone ask my sisters and i why aren't you married? and i'm like its not a choice i made to be single its just that i haven't found any1 up to my standards. I'm not a picky person, looks don't play a part in my decisions, i just want someone who is practicing Islam, and that is very hard to find. Atleast someone who is practicing islam they way i believe it should be practiced.
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4/24/2008 6:46:50 AM
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seekingturkmslma
Posts 2
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Here is my two cents. Life isn't as simple as it was back in the days of the beginnings of Islam or beginning of time in general. The more simple life we live, the less things we get involved has a big factor in how we think and grow up. One of them being complexity. In today's society, life is so complex in terms of juggling to much things in life and thinking in so many different ways. Our individual ways of thinking and wanting things to be sooooooo specific has a great deal of impact on choosing life partner. Of course it's right to ask 1001 questions so as to clarify any misconceptions that might come up AFTER marriage and its better to deal with them before making a contract. But it's the point of reaching to a point where we NEED to ask 1001 questions. In the times of the prophet s.a.w. peoples lives were much simpler and they didn't deal with the complexities of life that we deal with today. Life is so fast-paced and so many things going on in the world. They were simple farmers, traders, merchants and probably dealt 20 times less with what we deal with today in this modern, technological world. They were simple and happy people when they practiced the simplest things in Islam. Many of the ayats of the qur'an wasn't probably even applicable to them, but they are applicable to us today because we are involved in such transactions.
This is just how reality goes. But this isn't to say that they didn't have their problems. There are certain problems that ALL human beings have dealt with no matter at what time period of history. This is in regards to our instincts and organic needs. There are certain characteristics that existed throughout history of mankind, such as jealousy, envy, lust, desire, lying, deceiving, etc. So marriage problems existed, JUST NOT COMPLEX(or rather stupid) as today where couples divorce for the most minute and the most unthinkable reason. These reasons, some which even baffle many of us today, would totally throw people of the solar system if it were to even occur few hundred years ago. There were divorces. There were cheating, Some did have it hard to find marriage partners, but it nothing compared to today. The societies of the past were very closely-knit particularly the Islamically-bonded societies. Everyone knew each other, there were trust amongst each other like never before or never after rather. Because the companions of the prophet lived amongst that time and Islamic culture was fresh and pure.
Consider how marriage was performed. Inside the local masjid, the companions of the prophet whom were married and had daughters who just hits maturity, would make public announcement that their daughter is ready for marriage and if there were anyone's son that was ready they would meet. Can any of us imagine this being the norm in todays masajjid? I'm sure there are exceptions but I'm talking about this being the norm and practiced in almost every masjid. I can't even imagine this much less doing this to my own daughter living in this sick and twisted world of what I've seen and the sickos that are out there. LoL. You see? Why did I even say that? Because I, or shall I say 'we' have seen and heard examples of twisted stories. And it makes us feel insecure. This is what I meant earlier that we've seen so much and got involved in so much in this complex world. So many things happened that changes our thinking from simple to complex. It's just how it is.(continued)
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4/24/2008 6:47:17 AM
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seekingturkmslma
Posts 2
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In conclusion, it definitely is hard nowadays to find that special someone. Many of us aren't satisfied with the most simplest of characters and the most simplest of things hence we find ourselves in complex situation where our complexities must match otherwise there isn't a connection. The most simple person is deemed not so much compatible with a person who's life and thinking are complex based on where he/she grew up(of course there are exceptions). There is a fear of miscommunication if one is not aware of what the other is talking about hence not giving the proper response/support,etc. And that's where it rests.
As for me, I grew up in NY and lived here most of my life. So I am talking based on my reality as for what I've observed/seen/learned/took examples from,etc. I myself have my complexities which I ideally wish my parter can understand. But if not, then I'm willing to decomplex myself(does that word exist?) and try to simplify myself to somehow come to her level. So the search and wait begins. Patience is a virtue. But for how long? Allahu alem.
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5/4/2008 9:41:58 AM
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dell_amin
Posts 2
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Assalam Allaikoum Brothers and Sisters,
I have just happen to be here and really found this discussion very interesting!! I have all the contributions made by you brothers and sisters. I don't have much experience in looking for a partner but based on the contributions of some of you young people tend to choose their partners based on their simplest, meaningless desires to be with the flyest man, the sexiest sister, the richest, smartest ect... My question is: <<<Shouldn't muslims improve this by adding a little more education about ethics to young muslims before they reach that critical age of chosing their mates??>>>
Assalam Allaikoum waramatullahi Taallah wabarakatahu!!
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6/29/2008 11:27:24 AM
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muslimheart2008
Posts 3
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Asalam Walikum Brothers and Sisters,
I hope that you will read what I am about to write, and take it with the upmost thought and seriousness. It comes from perosnal experiences and from several of my sisters experiences as well. In regards to finding the right companion, the problem is very simple, We as muslims have lost our own sense of what is integrity, and morality. We twist Islam and the laws established in our religion to suit our own needs and purpose. Not all, but the majority of brothers are looking for someone that is truly not realistic, and they are looking for youth and beauty. For example, if you are a brother of 40+ years then why are you looking for someone that is 15+ years younger than yourself. There are so many good,decent and loving women closer to your own age that have more maturity and life experience to be a better match for you. Another point that I feel strongly about and this applies to mostly Arabs and the mentality inbredded into the their culture. You do not have to father a child in order to establish your manhood and be happy. So many women are considered un marryable or taken into consideration only as a second wife simply b/c Allah in his infinite wisdom did not give them the ability to bear children. This is ridiculous and insane thinking. Women like this are good muslims, wives, lovers, friends and companions. You should trust Allah to give the happiness with or without children. I am one of those women, and I have lost 3 husbands that loved me but not enough to stay with me and be faithful and loyal. No their culture and family dictated to them that they must have children. This is not our only purpose in this life, and believe it or not you can be happy and still find a way to have a family without producing them yourself.I have found that Arabs do not truly comprehend the concept of committment not matter what. They demand soo much from a potential spouse that their is no way a women could live up to those expectations.I know the same can be true of women as well.There is too many mind games and playing around done in the process and journey to find a wife/husband and finally , muslims just really do not fear Allah anymore the way they should, b/c if they did the divorce rate would drop, the sleeping around would stop, and more good muslims would marry each other for the right reasons and more single older muslims would find security, peace and happiness!!!
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8/24/2008 4:43:56 PM
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sahib121
Posts 1
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dear all it is not difficult to find a wife, it is quite difficult to find a life partner, and i mean real life partner, who can be with you forever, who you can trust blindly and vice versa, who you can be comfortable with, who you can be relaxed and soothed by. who can make you successful both here and hereafter.
regards and good luck to us all
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9/1/2008 10:53:26 AM
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submitter_zaj
Posts 1
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Assalamu Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,
I am a muslim brother who has been hit hard twice in the life trying to find out a perfect partner. I knew from the very beginning that as per Isalm "Marriage is a Contract". It requires lots of adjustments and make shift arrangements to accustom to each others behavior. One has to give enough time and space to build the relationship. One cannot find a perfect partner, but rather one has to mold each other accordingly to fit in the die of husband-wife, then it makes a perfect combination. When we say "I am in a search of a perfect partner" one has to introspect and find "Whether I am perfect" and I am sure the answer has to be negative. So when one is not perfect, how can one expect the other one to be perfect???? Once we adopt the attitude of adjustments and practice patience, I am sure, with whoever one marries, the marriage is going to be successful. But the efforts must be both ways. One has to remember the famous Hadith that says that the children of satan are constantly on a watch that how the marriage breaks. The Satan will be satisfied only after the marriage is broken.Because marriage is a constitution that prospers the social well-being and it strengthens the society which is the crux of Islam. A strong society with ethics,strong morals and principles is what is required to prosper Islam. So brothers and sisters have patience and try to negotiate things and don't let the Satan win. Ameen.
edited by submitter_zaj on 9/1/2008
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9/2/2008 6:08:12 PM
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MsRaihan
Posts 1
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Assalamualaikum Brothers and Sisters
I believe nowadays it's quite difficult to find a life partner who is sincere and lead life as a true muslim.Searching for a wife or husband become tough when a true muslims are getting lesser.People are more drawn to do things that are forbidden in Islam.I can see that some muslims buying alcohol as if it is soft drinks eg.(coke,7 up,f&n grape).I'm really sad when i see these things going on.It shows that the end of the world is getting near as some people keeps doing the wrong things again and again.They have no fear of Allah swt punishments.
I believe that it may be difficult to find the right partner but it's not impossible because if u have patience everything is possible.It is said that there's a partner for everyone the only thing is that you have to find him/her.Don't be choosy finding someone perfect because you won't find one as human are not perfect.
I pray that Allah swt bless us(Brothers and Sisters) and lead us to the right path in Islam.Regards.
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1/23/2009 9:08:22 PM
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nubiah
Posts 9
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A.S.A Don't get down The youth are right here ready to do right & to old saying don't look at this World it is fake Shatan Has No power Only Allah the Lord of All World is there to show you the Rigth path you may stumble a few time -But Allah forgives his Ummah - Be mindful to stay close to him only - your wife in right there -clear your mind - & it's not a game- Love is Real and Allah works in order YOU TRY Allah MOVE MOUTAINS ( ROAD BLOCKS) JUST ASK HIM . Salaam
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3/8/2009 4:28:13 AM
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saif1980saif
Posts 2
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its hard to find a wife, cause guys normally have to make the first move for some reason and were not that good at it cause we think with our little heads and either get nervous or are too up for it. I think if women made the first move then it would be sorted and they would not be any single guys and girls.
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3/12/2009 5:50:53 PM
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Posts
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Assalamo Alaikum,
From my point of view its really hard to find your betterhalf becuase so many aspects stand between this kind of relationship for a male. Women normally do not reply in the timely manner. But they're precautions for the Mulimahs to find a good better half. its true according to circumstances today. i.e Visa seekers, bluffers etc. its not allowed in our deen. to cheat some one. and its also true all the five fingers are not equal....best thing way for both male/female to pray to ALLAH S.W.T to show us the right path...
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